Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
by yellowhorde
Summary: 5x4 Wufei laments the loss of a loved one.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no money from this or any other fanfic I write.

Pairing: 5x$

Category: Angst

Rating: R

Warnings: Yaoi, Deathfic.

Title: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

Status: Finished

WISHING YOU WERE SOMEHOW HERE AGAIN

PART ONE

Dark ebony eyes fluttered open, squinted against the bright rays of sunlight that had somehow managed to sneak past the Venetian blinds that decorated the eastern windows. With a soft moan of protest, the youth curled back onto his side, pulling the soft feather pillow over his eyes to block out the offending glare. The bed was soft and warm. What reasons did he have to leave his comfortable haven? No reasons at all, except that he had to get ready for work.

Wufei had almost worked up the resolve to drag his lazy ass out of bed when he felt those oh so familiar arms wrap around his waist. They snaked around him and pulled him gently yet firmly closer. Wufei allowed himself to be cuddled, a faint loving smile playing along his usually stern face. With a happy sigh, the oriental youth returned the gesture, burying his head into the hollow of his lover's shoulder. He breathed deeply the clean scent of soap and beneath that, the unique scent that belonged to his love.

Breath, warm and moist puffed against his head accompanied by the melodious sounds of the other boy's sleepy voice. "Rise and shine, sleepy head!"

Wufei rose up to gaze into beautiful expressive eyes. With a wicked smile he leaned in closer and pressed his lips against the soft lips that had greeted him. May he hear that voice from now until the end of time. It was a voice he would never tire of, not in a million years. Those lips quirked slightly as a smile danced and shone, bright and as sunny as the light that streamed in from the windows. "Oh, no you don't, Wufei!" The boy sat up, sending the smooth sheets cascading into his lap, and pulled away from his loving companion, laughter dancing in his eyes, his voice. "You don't have time for any hanky-panky! As it is, you'll barely have time to enjoy breakfast!"

"So I'll grab something from a drive-thru on my way to work…" Wufei once more leaned into the body of the boy he had sworn to spend all eternity with. He found the tender flesh of the other boy's neck and nibbled contentedly, working his way up towards the ear. "Or maybe, the vending machines…" The rest of his words were muffled as he eagerly began to suck the delicate earlobe. As he had, expected, his boyfriend moaned softly, and relaxed, leaning into Wufei's gently bronzed torso, his hands rising up and gently pressing against his love's chest, caressing that smooth skin, reveling in its texture, its sculpted definition, its delightful warmth…

For but a few brief moments he remained still as a statue, enjoying the closeness, the love, then he straitened and pushed the Chinese youth away with straight arms. His face was faintly flushed and he laughter rang out like silver bells. With a grin he ran his hand through sleep-tousled hair.

"No, Wufei! That isn't going to work THIS time!" Absently, the boy made shooing gestures towards the bedroom door. "You go get ready for work and I'll get your breakfast ready. Okay?"

Wufei slid out of bed, and grumped towards the door. Sudden inspiration hit him with a hammer as he turned and grinned at the boy who stood naked by their rumbled bed. "We WILL finish this "discussion" when I get back from work tonight!" He growled, a humorous glint in his obsidian eyes

"Oooh!" The other boy purred with anticipation, his voice low and husky. "Is that a threat or a promise?"

"That," Wufei declared as he turned and headed for the shower, "is a promise, of course! And I ALWAYS keep my promises!"

Feeling slightly more awake and ready – almost – to face another grueling day at the office, Wufei plopped down into his accustomed space at the head of the table. The tiny kitchen was swimming in golden light and alive with the smell of bacon, eggs, and coffee. The oak table gleamed mellowly in the early morning glow. Two place mats, blue with patterned flowers in butter yellow and tea rose were already set out in their accustomed settings along with the necessary dinnerware and cutlery. Wufei inhaled the heady aromas greedily and sighed contentedly. He glanced over at the boy standing by the kitchen sink; his arms plunged into a pile of bubbles that nearly reached his elbows. A stickler for cleanliness, he was. He was dressed causally in a pair of faded jeans and a red sweater, it's sleeves pushed up to reveal, thin, yet muscular arms. Wufei gripped the handle of his coffee mug and raised it slowly to his mouth.

"Be careful not to burn yourself, Wufei. It's hot!"

Wufei smiled gently. The boy knew him so well. Yes, he had often burned his tongue on his coffee. But that was just because the beautiful youth at the sink was just so darned distracting!

The Chinese boy was surprised that he wasn't wearing his breakfast on his tie every morning…

The boy at the sink continued, never turning around, his voice somehow changing subtly. It was still his voice, the same winsome, earnest voice Wufei had fallen in love with, and yet it was different all the same.

"After all we wouldn't want you to get hurt, oh no! That would never do! After all, there you are, alive and well, while I stand here…" the boy turned suddenly, his voice shrill and filled with anger…"Bleeding to death!"

The boy's hair was coated scarlet, half of his face obscured like some bloody mask. His eyes…those eyes, once so alive and brimming with emotions, were dull and uncomprehending, like those of a doll's. His clothes were a tattered ruin, as was the beautiful body they concealed.

In terror, Wufei dropped his mug, the liquid within splashing hot and heavy in his lap.

Instinctively he leaped back, sending the wooden chair flying across the small space with a very loud clatter. He tore his eyes from the bloody ruins of the boy he loved for a moment and glanced down at his pants. They were soaked the same crimson that was splashed so liberally over his beloved. His eyes were once again drawn to the figure standing besides him. His mouth worked in absolute horror, utter helplessness, but no sound emerged, just like a fish out of water.

The boy tottered closer, rivers of blood, his life force, splattering against the linoleum floor with a dull spattering sound. His head hung limply to one side, yet still those inhuman eyes bored into Wufei's, burning him, his body, his heart, his soul, accusing him, damning him for living while everything he had claimed to have loved had died. "This is all your fault, Wufei. All your fault…I am dead, Wufei and it is ALL YOUR FAULT!"

On numb, trembling legs, Wufei retreated from that horror, until his back struck against the wall. With a moan he slid to the ground, his eyes huge, his soul dying. The corpse knelt besides him, dime sized drops of blood striking against Wufei's upturned face. It leaned in towards the terrified youth, lips puckering as if for a kiss.

"All your fault…" it whispered as its lips pressed against Wufei's own.

Wufei screamed.

Wufei jerked awake with a strangled scream, fist crammed against his distorted mouth. Instinctively his other hand flew to the other side of the large bed, searching, hoping. Afraid of what he would or rather, would not find. But reaching out all the same. He just couldn't help it…

It was empty. Just as it had been for the past five lonely, heart rending years. Empty as his heart. In utter despair Wufei gathered up that lonely, unused pillow, the pillow his boyfriend had fallen in love with on sight. "It's just perfect, Wufei!" He had exclaimed, glomping the pillow when they had spotted it in the store. "It's not too hard, not to soft! It's JUST right!" He had proceeded to dance merrily around, pillow clutched to his ecstatic face. Wufei had been dimly embarrassed, but secretly happy. It was a pillow that would grace the bed in his apartment. No, that was not entirely true. It was **their** bed, **their** apartment. And this thought had warmed him down to his toes, filled his heart with happiness until it was almost painful.

Now, with that soft, just right pillow, clutched in his arms, Wufei once again wept bitter tears of loss. Mournfully he glanced out the window, into the dark, silent heavens beyond. The sky was overcast and threatened, no, promised rain. Only one dim star could be seen, and it's light was dying fast with the oncoming dawn. Wufei did not want the sun to rise. Not today, not any day, but especially not on this awful day. A day of remembrance. A short, bitter laugh was ripped from his lips. How could he forget? Was that even possible?

"Star light, star bright…." Wufei's voice was thick with tears, heavy with sorrow. "The first star I see tonight…." The former pilot's voice broke and was replaced by wracking sobs and yet still he continued speaking, reciting that silly little rhyme all children seemed to learn. (The lies we tell children…to give them hope, when we as adults know the truth. Wishes never come true…) He felt compelled to finish, despite the truth he held in his heart. "I wish I may… I wish I might… have the wish I wish tonight…"

Wufei's voice dissolved as the tears took control. They ravaged his weary heart, his battered soul. He wanted to die, right here, right now. He **should** have died. That day, that wonderful, horrible day that his world had lost all meaning, all light, all hope… He should have died with his love. But he hadn't. And it had been all his fault.

Between the gasps and sobs of dismay, of desolation, Wufei cried out his wish, the wish for tonight and every night since their last night, their first night together. "I wish you were somehow here with me again!" The tears flowed in a never-ending stream, threatening to drown the young man in grief. "Oh, I would give anything, pay any price to hear your sweet voice again. Just to be able to hold you and tell you good bye…."

The Chinese boy lapsed into silence, the only sounds to be heard in that still, empty apartment were his sobs of misery. He desperately clutched the pillow to his chest and wished with all his might that it could be the one who's love and life had been denied him for all eternity. Outside, the heaven's had opened to wash the world anew with its own tears and they flowed down the glass panes casting dim wavering shadows across the bed with its single occupant. As if they had understood the lonely man's grief, had known that this day, more that any other day, called for rain to fall rather than the bright sun that would do nothing to banish the clouds of sorrow from so many hearts.

Wufei stopped abruptly as the woman approached, her face pale and filled with sorrow. The umbrella offered little protection against the rain that fell from the unfeeling, gray sky in an almost solid mass of precipitation. The wind whirled and spun, carrying the heavy drops under the device's limited canopy. It plucked with icy fingers at the girl's hands, trying to steal that poor useless umbrella away. Light brown hair swirled madly about her as she struggled with her invisible tormentor. But alas, the wind won the day, as that poor unfortunate umbrella was turned inside out by the force of those howling winds. The woman gave up her struggle and lowered the now useless umbrella down by her side. Her black pleated skirt swirled and danced about her knees. Without a word, the woman with blue eyes gazed sadly, almost reproachfully at the dark clad man before her. She clutched the matching black jacket about her, against the fierce wind that whooped and hollered.

(Black does not suit you, Relena, it is to harsh, too sad a color for you to have to ever wear. I am so sorry. If not for me, you would not have to wear such a depressing hue…)

"You missed the memorial service." Relena stated bluntly, her blue eyes locking with dark obsidian ones. "It was really very lovely. It would have made him happy to know that so many remembered him, mourned his loss..."

"No," Wufei interrupted her, his voice full of false serenity. "He would not have wanted to be mourned. He would have wanted his loved ones to move on, to be happy, to continue living their lives…"

Relena searched the man's face carefully. He could not hide the signs of grief from her. It was there etched in every feature, every line of his still face. "Is that what you have been doing, Wufei? Living?" There was no answer from the man who stood before her, his silken hair as black as the trench coat that flapped and swirled about him. He merely lowered his eyes, apparently lost in some painful movie his memory flashed behind his sunken eyes. "Everyone was there, Wufei. They miss you. WE miss you!"

After the accident, Wufei had withdrawn from his friends, his fellow Gundam pilots, those that were left at any rate. They were five no more. And the world would never be, could never be, the same with the loss of that precious one. All hearts had cried out, but two more so that the others…

"Everyone?" Black eyes met blue as he raised his eyes at this question.

"Yes, Wufei, everyone was here." A faint pleading was heard in the young woman's voice as she continued, "It's been five years, now, for crying out loud! Isn't it time that you two forgave each other? You're only hurting each other and I know that this is not what he would have wanted!"

Wufei continued walking, his head now bowed against the force of the wind. He did not stop or speak with Relena as he trudged passed her. As far as he was concerned, the discussion was over. It was as if she no longer existed. His slow steps took him down the path he knew by heart, for he had certainly traveled it enough times over these past few years. The young woman watched him go, her heart aching for him, for the loss of a dear companion, for the riff that had torn two friends apart, possibly forever. No, please, not forever. Even if they realized it or not, the two men needed each other, needed each other and their friends to help heal the holes in their hearts that had been left when the one they had both loved had been snatched away from them so suddenly, in such a tragic, senseless accident.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Wishing You Were Some How Here Again

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no money from this or any other fanfic I write.

Pairing: 5x$

Category: Angst

Rating: R

Warnings: Yaoi, Deathfic.

Title: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

Status: Finished

WISHING YOU WERE SOMEHOW HERE AGAIN

Part Two

One step at a time, one footstep, another… Slowly, steadily, the dark haired man was drawn ever forward, being pulled along that all too familiar path that danced and snaked through the cemetery. Almost against his will, he made his silent way through the rolling hills, the artfully arranged landscape barren in the early April rain that had slackened off to misty drizzle.

Here between the gentle swelling hills and with the protection of the scattered multitude of naked trees and barren bushes, the wind that had previously screamed and pummeled the brooding man's coat shrouded body had finally been tamed, subdued, at least marginally. It still fluttered the hem of his black trench coat and his ebony hair, which was for once allowed its freedom, but the wind was now gentler, more restrained. Almost civilized. Wispy tendrils dripping beads of moisture brushed delicately against his impassive face sending the occasional shiver coursing down the young man's spine. The air was soft and alive with the smell of new growth, new life, the delicate scent of rain and moist rich earth. The watercolor wash of green that shimmered against the distant gray of the sky was barely evident, just the merest hint. But it WAS there. Spring had made its magical reappearance, banishing the long dark winter, those long, cold, silent nights…

(April showers bring May flowers…) This random though fluttered through Wufei's distracted mind, causing him to smile faintly, yet it never touched his dull eyes. Nothing had been able to move him for a very long time, either anger, or happiness. Nothing but this never-ending grief, this all- consuming sadness.

The eternal stream of memories clamored for attention and once again his mind was pulled into the sucking whirlpool that forever raged in his mind, and he did not struggle, did not fight. He no longer had the strength to resist. These memories, some good, some awful, cut into Wufei's soul like a knife, drawing out not blood, but his will to live, not just to sustain life, breath and heartbeat, but to really LIVE! Relena had been right though she might not have realized it. Wufei was not living, not really. He was merely existing, just carrying out his pointless life from one dreadful day to the next.

(I feel so lost, so alone…Please God, let it end or let me die…)

Thoughts of his beloved friend, gone these past five years arose unbidden as they always did. His beautiful, earnest, laughing eyes, so full of love and adoration. Bursting with life and happiness. His smooth, silky hair glimmering in the sun. His passion for life, his indomitable spirit. (Oh, God! He's gone, gone forever, leaving me alone with only memories of him and our too brief time together.) Hands curled into trembling fists at his side, the knuckles white.

The only light that had brightened Wufei's otherwise dark soul had been snuffed out and it had been Wufei's fault. Guilt consumed him, pulled at his already tattered heart. There wasn't much left after all these years…Piece by piece it was dying away.

(If only I had insisted that we stay at home, we would never have been out in that storm. All of this, all this heart ache, this pain could have been avoided.)

"I must tell him, Wufei. I don't want to hurt him… But he must be made to understand the truth. He and I will never be more than just friends. It would be better if he heard it from me…"

Wufei had protested at first, it was late, there was a storm approaching…surely it could wait until the next morning, but his love had been adamant, not to be refused, and the unhappy Chinese youth had been too weak to say no. How could he have denied him anything? He loved that young man with all of his heart and soul. So he had relented, hell, he had even agreed with what the boy had been saying, and so had promptly set out on the course that would alter his life forever.

Wufei closed his eyes, shaking his head, tendrils of damp hair slapping his face. Tears, scalding like acid, welled in the depths of his dark velvet eyes, overflowed down his smooth pale cheeks, adding their own salty wetness to the moisture deposited by the rain. What he wanted, needed was the dark silence solitude of oblivion, but once more memories, sweet and poignant, assaulted his senses. He let them ride over him, through him for he knew there was no stopping them. What else COULD he do but surrender himself up to them?

Whispers of love in the dark, the moist warm of breath against his shoulder as he held the trembling, nervous boy in his arms. So tender, so gentle, so sincere. "I love you, Wufei, with all of my heart, all of my soul… To you I offer up everything- my heart, my love…my innocence…" Those words, spoken with such soft surety, such peace of mind, reached deep down inside the former pilot's heart and ignited a spark he had thought had died out long ago. Something that had withered away supposedly lost for all time with the death of his young wife, Meilan.

Alone in the dark silence of their newly acquired apartment, bare of any furnishing save their bed, a dresser, the television entertainment system, and the CD player that filled the empty space with soothing instrumentals. Dim April moonlight, soft, white and hesitant, filtered in the unadorned windows despite the approaching gray clouds that rumbled ominously in the decreasing distance.

In the bedroom, fingers ghosted hesitantly along sweat beaded skin, searching, palms sliding against palms, fingers reaching and entwining, feeling the rising pulse, the mounting tensions. Lips pressing together, tongues tasting, teasing, exploring as the two blanket -shrouded figures joyfully crossed that boundary line that separated friends and lovers, to share their rising passion for the first time, the last time… Fires of ecstasy flared and spread, fanning out as wild fire before the wind, until the two lovers were all but consumed by its ravaging flames. In the searing heat of their love, two souls, two bodies, two hearts died simultaneously, and, like the legendary Phoenix, were reborn as one in that torrid heat and fierce power of their overwhelming desire. United by love for all eternity…

…Police sirens pulsed endlessly, illuminating the chaos and destruction with multicolored lighting. Rescue workers huddled in small groups talking in soft hushed voices. There was nothing that could be done…Shattered glass carelessly strewn across the black, rain soaked pavement like so many precious jewels against thick velvet, as the lights continued to flash and spin. Turning those shards first into sapphires, now rubies, before once more becoming like glimmering diamonds.

With head hung low, Wufei cradled the still, broken form that was the one he cherished most in the entire world. How pale, how still he lay, his eyes closed, his head hanging limply against Wufei's heaving chest, as his blood slowly seeping into the Chinese youth's lap, staining the cloth, saturating it with gleaming pools of blood. There was no breath, no pulse, no warmth, and no movement. Nothing. Tears fell unheeded down the sobbing boy's face as he rocked slowly back and forth, pleading softly but with rising hysteria with that battered lifeless body. "Oh, please, no. No, no, oh, no. Please, wake up; open your eyes, your okay, your all right. Please, say something…Please, God, oh, please, open your eyes…"

…The sickening stench of flowers, almost gagging the stunned youth, filled the small claustrophobic room in the funeral parlor. Wufei tried to look away, look anywhere but at that gleaming casket, those dreadful flowers… But his eyes kept being pulled back…

Wufei had seen the other man's approach, had seen the utter rage that darkened his face, the tears that streamed from wild eyes. But he watched the man come closer, as if unattached to his body. Numb. Then that voice had lashed out like a bullwhip filled with hurt, betrayal. Even now, five years later, Wufei winced at the raw pain he had seen in those eyes, the accusation he heard in that voice. Those words flashed through Wufei's mind; sharp as any dagger, fresh as the day those words had been uttered. The years would never dull that agony; no amount of time could ever erase such complete desolation.

"You killed him, Wufei! You killed him! If he had stayed with me, none of this mess would have happened. He would be alive today if you had not stolen him away from me. He is dead, Wufei, because of YOU! It is all your fault!"

Wild with grief, the other man, the one who had harbored deep feelings for the soul that had been taken from them, feelings that had been unrequited, had grabbed Wufei by the front of his dark suit and had shaken him furiously, like a puppy with a scrap of cloth.

Wufei's dark, almond eyes had flown open with surprise at such an emotional outburst from the normally controlled youth. But he did not struggle; he did not deny those cruel accusations. How could he? For the man had spoken the truth. It was his fault…

Even as his friends hurried to restrain the distraught and violent man, Wufei mentally replayed the accident over and over again. Saw the other car losing control, skidding towards them, tires skating along the slick surface of the road. (Hydroplaning…I believe that is what it's called…when the car loses complete contact with the road…) That thought had flashed through Wufei's mind even as he had spun the wheel, but the tires of his own vehicle had slid along the surface of the rain-slicked road refusing to obey its driver. That sickening sense of losing control…the loud finality of metal striking metal, and then silence…

Only in his mind, Wufei had managed to steer both him and his love out of danger. All of this, the funeral, the nauseatingly overpowering stench of funeral flowers, his friends sorrowful faces, the angry ex-pilot sobbing raggedly against the shoulder of one of his friends, all this was just a dream. A terrible nightmare from which he knew he would never be able to wake up from…

TO BE CONTINUED…


	3. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again Part...

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no money from this or any other fanfic I write.

Pairing: 5x$

Category: Angst

Rating: R 

Warnings: Yaoi, Deathfic.

Title: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

Status: Finished

WISHING YOU WERE SOMEHOW HERE AGAIN

Part Three

Wufei's conscious mind drew him up and out of his dismal recollections, pulling itself back to the land of the physical, the world of the present. Silently, he bid farewell to his painful memories knowing full well that they would be coming back for another visit shortly. Absently, he noted that the rain had ceased altogether leaving the wind alone to play its invisible fingers gently through the almost barren branches of the trees, to lift the damp hair from the Chinese youth's neck, to caress the bronze tear streaked cheeks.

(Rain, rain, go away! Come again some other day…)

This children's rhyme sing-songed merrily through the tired man's mind as with the faintest smile, the dark eyed youth scanned the sky expectantly and yes, sure enough, patches of sky, blue as a robin's egg were peeking tentatively through the dark clouds. Golden rays of illumination probed through the swiftly disintegrating clouds, laying gentle warmth across the Chinese man's smooth face, filling Wufei's heart with a sense of serenity he had not felt for a very long time. In the far distance a rainbow danced and shimmered, a breathtakingly beautiful reminder of a promise made thousands of years ago, if you believed the biblical stories. It was a fantastic breathtaking symbol of peace, continuous life, and hope.

The former pilot of Shenlong approached the gravesite of his lost love, a simple marker bearing only that blessed name and two dates, that of his birth and his tragic death. The thick carpet of grass muffled Wufei's footfalls; he glanced over the various flowers that graced the somber granite. Roses predominated in a multitude of hues, red, white and yellow… but there was also a bouquet of calla lilies. A quirking smile graced Wufei's lips. No need to guess who had left those…

Carefully, the silent youth reached into the pocket of his trench coat, still beaded with a whole host of crystalline droplets that sparkled in the soft golden rays that peeped out from behind the quickly dispersing storm clouds. With practiced grace, Wufei lit the sweet smelling incense and placed it on the smooth stone. Smooth palms pressed together in a gesture of prayer. Thick soot lashes brushed against pale cheeks as his eyes closed, his head slowly bowing, chin almost touching his chest as his mind flew out and up, up to the heavens along with the thin dancing tendrils of smoke that carried all of his thoughts, all his prayers, all of his love.

(I need to get on with my life… To continue living… But…can I? It's been so long…)

For the past five years Wufei had isolated himself from his fellow Gundam pilots, his only true and loyal friends. He had studiously avoided them, ignored their telephone calls, refusing to have anything to do with any of them, being especially careful to avoid HIM.

…You killed him, Wufei…All your fault…you killed him…killed him….

(No! I didn't kill him! I didn't! It was an accident, a horrible accident! Please…If I could take it all back I would… if I could offer up my life in exchange for his… I would… In a second! But I can't! I… can't! Oh God, I can't… but how I wish I COULD!)

(…I miss them…all of them…) This thought, although not new, surfaced, a tiny iridescent bubble gliding up from his subconscious mind. The depth of the loneliness he felt almost surprised the young Chinese man. Though his heart had grasped this truth long before his mind had acknowledged it. He DID miss them, ALL of them, their smiles, their laughter, their companionship, the way they had come to depend upon each other whether on the blazing battlefields of space or off.

Suddenly, realization dawned, brilliant rays of clarity which burst through the eternal clouds of his grief that had clouded his mind for so long, the awful comprehension that through his actions, he, Chang Wufei, had been hurting not only himself, but his friends as well!

Tears squeezed out from beneath clenched lids. No! He could not bear the thought that he had mindlessly inflicted pain on those he still held dear. But there was no denying the fact. Whether he had realized it or not, he had been selfish in his grief, had wrongly believed that he was the only one suffering from the loss of his most cherished friend and lover. But that was a lie! They had ALL suffered from the loss of that precious one! The smiling boy had been a friend to each and every one of them, and with his passing, all of their worlds had become a little darker as a piece of their souls died with him.

(Please…) silently begged the raven-haired youth, (please, my one and only… love of my life…heart of my heart… lend me your strength! Help me break free from this darkness that has held me prisoner for so very long. I can no longer bear the solitude…)

High above the sun broke completely free of the clouds that had held it captive and beamed its golden goodness down upon the world that lay at its feet. Droplets of moisture clung to every surface and delicate baby leaves and blades of grass alike sparkled like so many precious jewels. Wufei could almost feel the kindness, all of the gentleness and compassion, of the boy he adored settle around his narrow shoulders with an almost physical weight. Warm, loving. Urging Wufei to live, in his memory, for his sake…

Wufei sensed the silent man's presence behind him though not the faintest sound had betrayed the intruder. For the briefest of moments, Wufei's heart fluttered in his throat like a tiny dove, and he believed the impossible, believed in miracles, believed in a just and merciful God.

(He has been returned to me! God has given him back!)

"Quatre…"

The name slipped past Wufei's lips, the faintest of whispers filled with such longing and for the briefest, sweetest moment, his heart soared. But only for a moment, then the temporary madness disappeared, driven away by rational thinking, leaving the ebony-eyed youth feeling somehow empty and desolate and very foolish. No, it was not Quatre. His beloved would, sadly, never tread this mortal plain again. Not in this lifetime. Fresh pain assaulted Wufei's heart. Was there no end to it?

"You might as well come out," Wufei said, without opening his eyes for he already guessed who his visitor was. "I know you're there."

The muffled sound of footsteps approaching warily, the faintest trace of cologne wafting on the already fragrant air, then the man was besides him. No greetings were exchanged, no words spoken and for a long while the only sounds to be heard was the faint whistling sigh of the wind as it skipped and danced endlessly through the trees and the well-tended grass. The tension between the two men was palpable, as the strained silence seemed to stretch out into eternity. They stood, each battling with their own thoughts, their own consciousness. Like two statues, the pair of estranged friends struggled to summon up the courage to speak the words that needed so desperately to be spoken.

The taller man shifted nervously clearing his throat and finally managed to push the words past lips which felt cold and numb with some a great deal of difficulty. "Wufei…I'm…sorry. What I said back then…at the funeral…I…" The young man drew a shuddering breath then concluded in a rush, "I was wrong for what I said and I am truly sorry. It was a very emotional time and…"

"Don't." Wufei snapped, sharper than he had intended, cutting off that voice harshly, his brow furrowing at the painful memory. He drew in a shuddering intake of air and after a silent moment to collect his thoughts and feelings, he continued in a much softer, gentler voice. "There is no need to apologize…it had been a very trying time for the both of us."

With eyes downcast, the ebony haired youth turned slowly to face the man besides him. Onyx eyes met emerald as he raised his head to look into his comrade's face. Tears glistened in the depths of those beautiful green eyes, a kaleidoscope of emotions surged and spun. Wufei felt his own tears burning in the back of his eyes, always so close to the surface. And his heart went out to the brunette man, who had also lost the one he loved. Trowa, more than anyone else, would understand the Oriental's feelings of loss and desolation. Of hopelessness and despair. Of hearts ripped apart by loneliness, and souls plagued with darkness.

With a soft smile, Wufei extended his hand out towards the former pilot of Heavyarms. It was time to end the hurt, the pain, the loneliness. Time to end the isolation. Time to say goodbye to memories that cut sharp as razors, memories that killed the heart and the soul.

"Let's let bygones be bygones."

A single tear slipped down Trowa's face as he reached out and clasped Wufei's hand with his own trembling hand and gave it a firm shake. Then, the long banged youth abruptly pulled the smaller boy into his arms, embracing him as the dam gave way and he shed his own tears, tears of sorrow and relief and joy mixing together, flowing as one.

For a moment, Wufei stiffened, his heart beating a crazy tattoo in his narrow chest, before he allowed himself to yield, and ever so slowly, he relaxed against the warmth of the other boy's body. A soft trembling sigh escaped his lips as his own arms wrapped around Trowa's shaking torso. It felt so good, so right, so necessary. It was the first human contact he had had in almost five years and suddenly Wufei realized with a calm sense of surety that his days of suffering, the dark endless nights of loneliness, where dawn seemed an impossible dream that teased and taunted forever out of reach like a mirage, were over.

Wufei resolved to relinquish all of the debilitating feelings of misery, emptiness and grief. With the help of his friends, he would live again, for Quatre's sake, as well as his own.

THE END


End file.
